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1,081 Reasons to Hate America's Gov't Idiocy
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Aug. 6th, 2009 @ 03:11 pm
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1,081 Reasons to Hate America's Gov't Idiocy
If the imbed doesn't work, go here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM30nqfasyU&feature=player_embedded
...and you wonder why I'm cynical and POed at the gov't? |
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Baaaaaaaaaaaah.
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Jan. 14th, 2009 @ 02:00 pm
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I did my normal bi-monthly log into LJ to read my friends' blogs and comment, in a sad attempt to remain connected to people. :/
In the process I found I had been tagged by several people....
Rules:
A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blog and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question.
B) Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.
I think everyone I would tag was already tagged.
What are your hobbies?
writing, digital painting, anime, manga, learning new things, making bento, crocheting/making things, gaming
How do you style your hair?
Long, usually pulled back into a ponytail or messy bun for convenience. Sometimes I'll leave it down or style it a little more, but not often.
What's the last book you read?
Last NEW book? Lackey's new Elemental Masters book, was my Christmas pressie :) Reread - the whole Clan of the Cave Bear books/series, all but the most recent one which I don't have.
What colour shirt are you wearing now?
Huge warm cranberry red sweater.
Are you an introvert or extrovert?
More and more introverted with time.
Mozilla Firefox or Internet Explorer?
Firefox/Seamonkey, though currently they hate me and refuse to function properly T_T
Do you nap a lot?
No, I prefer to sleep in --_-- *yawn*
Who was the last person you hugged?
Chris. Before that, probably Frank, though I hugged several people at the wedding.
Do you sleep with a top sheet or just a blanket or both?
Sheets, Blanket, Electric blanket, summer quilt, winter comforter and a fleece blanket over that the cat lies on top of. Why yes, it DOES get very cold here!
What was the last thing you ate today?
Shredded wheat = breakfast. I should probably make lunch though.
How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
If showering in the morning instead of at night, just over an hour. Otherwise, maybe 20 minutes? Longer if my hair is unmanageable?
What websites do you visit daily?
PonyIsland.net, gmail, google, Insanejournal.com, more recently forums like skyreels, seedponies, and kalidore. Webcomics I visit daily/weekly: Tales of the Questor, Nip and Tuck, Goblin Hollow, Yallyho, Hard Onions, Camp Calomine, Wapsi Square, Dreamland Chronicles, Girls With Slingshots, Flipside, Questionable Content, Megatokyo, Red String, UC, Phoenix Requiem, EarthSong, The Abominable Charles Christopher, The Dreamer, Xylia Tales, YuMe, Haru-Sari, Directions of Destiny, Johnny Wander, AppleGeeks, One Swoop Fell, Nemu-Nemu, and Misfile.
What's the last movie you watched?
Um.....good question. I don't remember!
Do you like to clean?
No, I loathe it. I am likely one of the world's worst housewives.
What time is your usual bedtime?
I'd LIKE to aim for 11, but it often ends up being 2, 3, or even 6, 7, or 8 am T_T
What kind of mp3 player do you have?
Er.....a computer? I once bought a player that could read mp3 CDs, but it didn't work so I gave up.
What is your favourite weather?
Early summer, late spring, and of course fall! I adore autumn.
How are you?
Sleepy and a bit cranky. I'm trying to cut back on my coffee intake. T_T
Where would you see yourself in ten years?
Hopefully someone I can be proud of, that I'd want to be friends with. Hopefully not alone.
Other random notes:
I need a new washing machine. Ours is broken. Am stalking Freecycle.org like a madwoman since we can't afford buying one right now. And it would be REALLY nice to be able to do laundry.
I discovered I only live 10 minutes away from Legs, which is all kinds of awesome, assuming we get together and get along. While we know each other peripherally through frisbee, we were a couple years apart in college and I never hung out with her personally, so I'm half afraid we'll meet once, be horribly awkward (my meeting-getting-to-know people skills are really rusty) and not try again. Or that I'll try TOO hard, because I haven't had any close friends since I graduated from college. I am also worried about being self conscious. I have gained a lot of weight since graduation, and I don't want to see that "poor sod, you graduated and grew out" expression, meeting someone again for the first time in years. I am pathetic and likely over thinking this; I should smash my head into the wall a couple dozen times and get over this.
Still hoping I can go dancing Friday, though it costs money. Also hoping that I will last the whole night. I'm a bit out of shape, and dancing is quite aerobic.
Also. It is COLD this week. I miss my coffee. And I love my hummus. Hummus is the best thing since onigiri. Which is also awesome. It's too bad I forgot the rice-water ratio for making sticky rice. And the measuring cup for the rice cooker. It hasn't turned out right ever since. :(State of the Forest:  sleepy Wind In the Willows: S.H.E. - BOOM |
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On Things Left Better Unsaid
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Jan. 13th, 2009 @ 05:04 pm
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I haven't been posting much, because honestly, I just haven't wanted to deal with it - and in a way, writing it out for people makes it more real. And because - what's the point, really? My blog's hardly mainstream, and I don't think most people even bookmarked it when I left LJ. Maybe two people. Probably more would if I linked on LJ every time I posted, but it doesn't seem worth the hassle. It's not like I have happy news, anyway.
Anne DID get the job. No one but her was happy, I think. The fact that ONLY she was happy made her mad. Naively she expects/wants/demands everyone be happy with/support her decisions.
Went to Katlyn's bridal shower. Later Katlyn passed on some things to David and David called Chris and said things like he wanted to kill me and I wasn't worth being part of the family and other stupid things that still upset us both horribly and sent me into a panic a la finding-out-Anne-was-dating. We were at church for a Christmas event, Anne called demanding to talk to me, I said I wasn't in a mood to talk to her, she wouldn't take no for an answer and came charging in, mindless and aggressive to get her own way, heedless of who she mowed down in the process.
I had to beg the pastor for 'santuary'. He let me talk in his office (without her, thank goodness), and offered the use of a Christian counselor for a few sessions, paid for. I accepted that offer and before the week was out Chris and I met with the counselor.
I met with her because I agreed that I need to be able to deal with aggressive horrid people like the MiL without falling apart and going to pieces. I was NOT there to take the blame all myself, because I feel and STILL feel that Anne is wrong, was wrong, and always WILL be wrong in the way she bludgeons people over the head. However, there will always be people with her hamfisted ways of doing things, and I need to be able to deal with them better. To that end, the counselor WAS brilliant, and I learned a lot. Anne, in retrospect, learned nothing, I think (she came on the second session).
Jon was due to fly in, and overslept. Instead of flying Saturday morning, he got a flight for Sunday night. Anne, deciding that she didn't have to stay there alone if he wasn't going to be there, made arrangements to visit Mike, her boyfriend. To stay through til Monday. No matter she was moving out there in two weeks and could see him whenever she bloody wants to. She asked Chris to pick up Jon from the airport.
I can't imagine how Jon felt coming home for the Christmas hols, how it must have felt. Last year his mom and dad were there, his dog was there, David was there, the house was decorated....this time he came home...his dad was dead....David was living with his fiancee...his dog was dead....no decorations...and his mom thought it was more bloody important to spend another night with her sodding boyfriend then to welcome her youngest son home. I didn't even KNOW Anne wasn't going to be there at all til later. If Jon hadn't had an old school friend over to spend the night~! What kind of bloody MOM is Anne? Certainly not the kind of mom I'd want - no matter what issues my parents might have, no matter what they may say to me, they'd NEVER let me come home to the hols with an empty house! I was livid, and that -and the Pastor's advice - have got me permanently leaving off calling her Mama and calling her Anne instead. I'm ashamed to call such a woman 'mama'. And yet she has the audacity to say things like "I'm always a full time mother" - the moron!
Christmas was horribly awkward and depressing and not-Christmas-feeling. I walked down to the dollar store to 'shop' - I got Anne and Katlyn scented tea lights and holders and Anne a foot lotion (she likes foot massage, I gave her one later that day - at least I know what people like). I got the boys huge mugs and made them a homemade cocoa blend. Chris got a holiday rubics cube and a book of sudoku puzzles. Nothing huge, but I was proud none the less. Walking to the store through all the huge snow drifts was a big feat for me.
Anne had gotten us gifts, and a few more people got Anne gifts, but no one else gave gifts to each other. Haven't in a few years. I don't know why; it seems rather stupid, honestly. Anne had asked the boys what THEY wanted, but didn't ask the girls. Primarily, I think, because she wanted to indulge herself shopping for girly gifts. You'd think by now she'd know that I really am NOT a girly girl, wouldn't you? But I guess it goes hand in hand with her all-about-me sona she's modeling now. Even if she disguises her actions under a selfless mien (and she's GREAT at self justification....well, not so much great as she'll talk and talk and talk and talk and TALK, getting louder and pulling out the woe-is-me, don't-I-deserve-some_me-time, how-can-you-treat-me-like-this crap, until you give up and let her think she won), it's about her indulging herself.
So I smiled and pretended to be happy about things like a pedicure set (no-one ever touches my feet but Chris, and then very rarely, and why do I need/want/appear to want, a pedicure kit? Unless she expected me to use it on her?), a candle that smells like soap and purports to smell like 'moonlight', oil infusers, a cashmere throw that doesn't match anything in our house as she knew well, a stationary set in gaudy bright colors (I still have a mostly full clone to it sitting on my desk, sigh), and a heating pad. I actually mostly like the heatng pad, and she really had no way of knowing that chamomille makes me feel nauseaous...I don't think, at least.
Anne really wasn't around much. When she was around, often Mike was, too. We tried to ignore it, as much as possible. We're hoping that if she moves, then we can at least get on with our lives WITHOUT her dramatics. She 'moved' Jan 5th, by which I mean to say she started working out where Mike lives, but she's of the naive mindset that she can keep her house out here and travel out here once or twice a month on weekends and be a part of the church here.....that makes sense how? She complained about visiting Mike and the travel....she just wants to have her cake and eat it too. She's stuck in this I-want-to-have-everything-and-no-one-can-convince-me-otherwise, and if you try to reason with her? You're "unable to be happy for her". Grrrrrr~!
Then right after THAT was David and Katlyn's wedding. Frank came up to help with that, which was REALLY good to see 'Uncle' Frank again. He's a lot less scary getting to know him a little better. And AMAZINGLY, short of Chris - he was completely patient with my fears. Instead of being all "get over it" he found ways to work with it. For example, instead of saying "Face it" about driving in the snow, he did countless things to compensate - driving slowly, reassuring me that he was slowing down adequately for turns, making sure my belt was fastened BEFORE moving (most people don't bother), not using the phone while on the road (illegal in this state, but most people do anyway).
And that was good, because at last minute they asked Chris to be in the wedding. Him being in the wedding meant I had to be there and tag along, but wasn't actually a PART of everything. It was also good because David's jeep failed inspection *and* Katlyn's car died completely, and since Chris was working still he couldn't just shuttle everyone around - but Frank could (poor, long-suffering Frank!). Frank kept me company and kept me sane as well as running errands. We sat together at the rehearsal dinner (between him and Chris) and during the wedding itself, since neither of us were in the wedding party, though we were both prevailed upon to stand in the recieving line (and trust me, it's no LESS awkward being in someone else's recieving line than it is to be in your own line). I had to grit my teeth and ignore all the wedding hints Anne kept throwing at Mike with as much subtlety as a match in a barn full of hay.
Katlyn and David both looked GREAT, the wedding itself was short and sweet and exactly 25 minutes long (Pastor timed it). Chris looked awkward escorting a girl he didn't know, and I loved him for it and he looked soooooo good to me :D The photographers were a little creepy, though. I asked if I could get a photo of Chris and I while they were at it - it was all digital, no real film - and they thought I was *Frank's* wife. He's ALMOST old enough to be my father. T_T That was a bit disconcerting.
The reception was more awkward. Everyone had assigned seating. The wedding party had a separate table. I was stuck with Anne and Mike at one table up front. Luckily Chelsea was at the table behind me (she kept poking me!) and Frank and Pastor and Pastor's wife also shared our table, and I had a clear view to Chris, so we could somewhat pass exhausted looks back and forth. Unfortunately it also meant we had a clear view of Anne kissing Mike in public with no decorum whatsoever. Or having to watch them dancing - something Anne insisted on, in spite of her inability to walk without a limp and with the aid of crutches due to some nebulous injury. Didn't stop her from doing the twist and other things people with knee injuries KNOW not to do (and she wonders why I am not, in any way, sympathetic to her 'injuries').
The reception didn't end til midnight. I was wearing contacts, and they bloody HURT by then. We couldn't leave before then, even though pretty much ALL the church folks had long since left and it was mostly Katlyn's family there. Katlyn's parents bought them a BRAND NEW CAR as a wedding present. Chris was amazed, even though I'd TOLD him her family was well off. Frank treated me to a free drink at the bar, since I thought the wine at the table was nasty. I tried a whiskey sour (?) but settled on a Fuzzy Navel and was nice and sweet. It's apparently easy to make, and huzzah! I have a whole bottle of Peach Schnapps here in the fridge! Hasn't been opened in a year (and I'm trying to not think that it's really BEEN a year, that a year ago this time we were on a cruise with Papa and making memories and Anne still acted like Mama, and the family was a FAMILY, and now we're a shattered mess having to watch Anne hanging off her new boyfriend).
It was well after one before we got home, and man were we knackered. We're glad for things to just be OVER. Most folks don't seem to understand that, though. David wonders what we feel we need to 'recover' from, and my parents are nagging me to go out and get involved. Chris and I just want a quiet month of normalacy, no emergencies, no last-minute plans, no emotional shocks (Anne, please please PLEASE wait on an engagement announcement til AFTER the 1 year anniversary, or I swear we won't go to your 'wedding'!), no fights, no.....family. I never thought Chris' family would make me appreciate my own, but there's no doubt that Thanksgiving with my family was a million times more comfortable and welcoming than Christmas with Anne and co.!
Not that the drama's stopped. Chris had to give David a ride the other day, and David apparently was getting on my case to Chris how I need to get a job, drive, etc - Chris came home really upset that he couldn't just tell David to shut up. David and Anne are cut from the same cloth; they'll mow everyone down, and then don't understand why other people can't or aren't doing the same. They look down on people who aren't confrontational. Since when is "being able to bludgeon everyone into submission from terror, exhaustion, etc" count as an admirable trait??? Meh.
I think once I get my feet under me and we're a little more stable, I'm going to hunt after a job. And see about driving again *wince*. For now, I'm working on art commissions and trying to not think about real life. I've gotten into a fun RP - when I have time to post with it - and I have fun talks with people online, like Megan and Taru and Whimsy and Faerain. :) I don't see Amy on much (though mom and dad always ask about her, if I've talked to her), and I see Sharon on even less, though I expected that with their new baby!
Friday I plan/hope to go to contra dancing, though this weekend it's focusing on English dancing - more like what you see in Sense and Sensibility. EEEE! I love that old style of dancing :D It'll depend on the weather - Syracuse, weather means snow, ice, or rain every other day at least. And unlike where I grew up, people don't have the idea that driving on slick roads is hazardous and that you should stay in if you don't HAVE to go out. No, people here charge out in blizzard conditions for any reason at all. No sense to them, these Syracusians!
Hopefully the weather will be clear - and Jess/Legs from college is a local Syracusian, so I sent her a note on facebook about the dancing, so I might see her there :D I'm a bit eeeeeeeeeh on that, since I've gained so much weight since college and I'm ashamed of it, but I'm no thinner after a year of diet and exercise, so I guess I just have to accept this ugly self is me and stop hiding.
That said, I'll actually post an image for you, something I do rarely since I like to hide from cameras:
 Taken at David and Katlyn's wedding.
Random note: I still like bento. Making bento is easier when one has groceries. I haven't uploaded pictures for it in some time, though.
Random note 2: Lately I really like listening to S.H.E.'s albums, even if I don't understand what they're saying. I like that Ella's got a lower voice I can sing along with, if I could ever learn the words XD Still, it's great background music to listen to! Some of my favourite songs by them, on Youtube, if you want to listen:
"Wo Ai Ni (I Love You)" The one sentence I KNOW is "wo ai ni" because Amy taught me that....and I was excited when I recognised it in the song XD But that aside - the video tells a very sweet, sad love story, as well. And it's a BEAUTIFUL song.
Zen Me Ban - Hana Kimi Op I loved watching the Taiwanese Hana Kimi, which Amy introed me to. It's how I became interested in other things Ella did - she's a riot of an actress, SO funny and so very NOT traditional. This song is the op to Hana Kimi, which S.H.E. sung the opening to, plus acting in.
Woman in Love - All in English! It's a little creepy, the lyrics - "I'll do anything - to get into your world - it's a right" - stalkerish, anyone? But a little more acceptable in their culture than ours, I think. Still, the song is yet another that gets stuck in my head. And it's nice to have a song I can sing along with. Plus, they do rather well pronouncing it - I've heard far worse 'Engrish'!
Super Star - Uuuuuh, I like the melody and the rhythm? Also there's a vid on youtube where Ella got hurt and was in the hospital, and was singing 'Superstar' all goofy and loud from her hospital bed. Ella's so funny!
Ring Ring Ring - I had flashbacks to working at RA. SO glad I'm not there anymore - but this song is fun, even if the hairstyles are SCARY. T_T
Just Be Yourself - everyone say "Awwww!" And then have flashbacks to college days and waking up like that. (Sharon - remember waking up Amy? XD)
Play - I'm not sure WHY I like this one. I mean, it has pseudo rap in it....but it sticks in my head XD
Chu Dian Another cute love-story-in-a-song
Bu Xiang Da - a bit creepy to be sure (the video), but I like the song. Possibly means something along the lines of "Never want to grow up".
Gray Sky Video is very sad T_T But the song is pretty.
Xin Wo (New Home) - part of an OST for sometihng, but it's cute and a good song
Boom I just like it, kay? *sweatdrop*
"mei li xin shi jie" Meh?
One last note: I REALLY wish I knew what is wrong with Mozilla/Seamonkey/Firefox. Whatever Chris and Steve did to it, still didn't fix the problem. I don't like having to use IE. It's evil. T_T
Oh, and I guess I'd better post more often, to spare people the evil long post of DOOOOOOOOOOOM. Doom I say!State of the Forest:  aggravated |
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Dec. 13th, 2008 @ 08:09 pm
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....I really, really, REALLY can't stand my !@#$%^&*@! MiL. Always she and the rest of them look down on me like I'm trash, pathetic for moving so slow, but she is ALWAYS hurting herself with her rushing around, ALWAYS at the doctor with some new complaint. And when she's hurt, yup - WE get to take up the slack somehow. I remember being stuck scrubbing HER !@#$%ing kitchen floor because she didn't have the bloody intelligence to know you don't scrub a damn floor when you just had shoulder surgery!!!!
So, the car we FINALLY got? She called and asked to drive it instead of hers 'cause she hurt her knees and we can drive her automatic instead. OH BOO HOO, WOMAN.
...whatcha bet she asks me why I'm not driving yet after that??
Sometimes, I think I'll be GLAD for her to move, just so she'll leech on someone else. |
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Dec. 8th, 2008 @ 07:51 pm
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Mama applied for a job near her boyfriend. She's thrilled about it.
If she gets the job, she'd move out there in early January, possibly before the wedding. She'd keep her house here, live with friends of Mike out there. Because she says it's just so HARD doing long-distance, and she doesn't want to 'waste' time.
In other words, she wants to do what SHE wants, no matter how it looks to other people. And of course she expects us to be SUPPORTING and all YAY YAY AWESOME. With David getting married early January, and Jon off in college, and us now finally having a car, I think she feels like she can be completely selfish. And i KNOW she doesn't care anymore what anyone thinks - except to throw a tantrum if you're not in complete agreeance with her.
Chris is unnerved by how fast she's moving, too.
For me, at this point - I guess I'd rather have as little to do with her now as possible. It may be selfish on MY part, but then I believe you can't have your cake and eat it, too. If she's going to do whatever she wants and screw the consequences, I don't really want to get close to her just in time for her to go run off with her beau. In many ways, 'mama' died alongside papa.
I wish this Christmas we could just ignore the rest of the family, because it'd be easier than 'celebrating' with this splintered mess the family's become - a painful reminder that it's our first Christmas without papa, and mama's already got her sights set on a new bedwarmer - but we probably won't, for Jon's sake.
I miss Papa. Everything was different when he was here. I wonder what he thinks of his family now? |
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Random Life Update
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Dec. 8th, 2008 @ 02:25 pm
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Life news:
1) We've found a car! By the end of the week we should have wheels for the first time in almost a year. Being able to buy groceries will be pure bliss; we haven't been able to in about a month, and we're almost out of rice, pasta, bread, or any kind of carb-ish staple.
2) Our washing machine broke. Mainly, the agitator isn't working. ironically, this makes me feel very agitated.
3) The MiL has a serious boyfriend now. She celebrated Thanksgiving with him. It's severely disturbing to me that a year ago we celebrated this holiday with papa, and a year later his grave is fresh and she's celebrating with the new beau.
4) I met the boyfriend. He is, thankfully, a lot more level-headed and less inclined to rush. Everyone was all "OMGosh wow, you went out for coffee with him?" --the problem was never with HIM, it was being unable to see mama being lovey-dovey with someone NOT papa this soon. I didn't think I could keep my cool. But I'm a bit more resigned to it, and like I said, he seems to have a better concept of propriety and such than she does.
5) I got a laptop for $25. It's a Compaq Presario 1200 with a 6 GB HD and WIN98, so I pretty much got exactly what I paid for, but hey, it works. Or it did for a few weeks. T_T Hubby's going to take it apart and try to fix it.
6). We've already had a few big storms and winter weather advisories. Ew. AND a big ice storm - on the biggest travel night of the year (Sunday following Thanksgiving).
7) Sharon had her baby! Congrats, Nate and Sharon, and welcome Michael!
8) Someone stole our card/bank info and charged $500 in plane tickets to our account. We caught it same day, and informed the bank, but they still let it go through. It took them over a MONTH to look into it and refund the money. And they kept giving us stupid litle charges through the interim!
9) Being carless and financially strained leads to some interesting things, like eating eggs that expired 2 months ago, and making sandwiches with applebutter that expired in *2003* - scary, but it still tasted good.
10) A friend of ours told me to my face that "Adoption was freaky". And whatcha know, I'm adopted??? I told him he better start back-pedaling. I *wanted* to say, "Start backpedaling before I kick you hard enough to ensure the ONLY way you'll EVER have kids is by adopting"! ......Oh, and he's one of the Pastor's sons and leading our Sundayschool class! Whatajerk.
11) I'd hoped to visit Steve over Thanksgiving, but he came down with a high fever and was really sick the whole time I was home. So, no visit :(
12) Mom and dad were actually decent - mom more so than dad. I didn't get told I was too fat 3 million times by dad, and he was only a little surly. It was nice to actually get along with them. And mom gave me a TON of felt, so I can do fun crafty stuff! :D Really, I just need a pair of sewing scissors, and a fabric marker or two.
13) Driving in snow and ice is scracy. Sliding towards a guardrail and being unable to stop is even scarier.
14) I hate driving in the city. In the country, pedestrians aren't dumb enough to cross in front of an oncoming car, during an icestorm, when there's no traction, when you're sliding downhill because the whole street is an iced-over steep downcline, and then cuss at you because you somehow just BARELY managed to miss their idiotic bodies.
15) We didn't quite do the black Friday stuff - didn't shop til the afternoon. I got me some jeans and dress slacks that are actually made to FIT me. It is AMAZING. I can't remember the last time i bought jeans or slacks cut for curvy women.
...life is fun, eh? |
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Stuff. 'n Junk.
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Aug. 11th, 2008 @ 10:58 am
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Well, I know it's been a while since I posted, but honestly, not much happens here, or when stuff does, I don't feel like talking just then - and later forget all about it!
I'm still making art, I'm still making bento - that won't change any time soon :D Art wise, I've really finally started using photoshop and liking it/feeling comfortable with it, thanks to some help figuring out fundamental basics from Carly and Fae :) I don't think I'll ever depend on premade brushes, but I do like being able to change hardness, shape dynamics, etc with the basic brushes - and i LOVE playing with some of the blur/smudge tools now ^_^;;
Bento-wise, I slacked off for a couple weeks, but I'm now back into the swing. I don't make them as 'pretty' as before, but I do try to have variety and color, though it's a lot harder with the hubby's lunches T_T I am VERY glad zucchini is in season, as well as fruit like cantaloupe and plums (ahh!!! Plums are SO good, and just the right size for bento!) - I tried some new things, with tofu for one (which is quite good, actually, wokked with dark sesame oil and a bit of teriyaki), made an all vegan dinner for mama one night with it. Another night made a zuchini souffle-casserole thing with the rest of the leftover tofu (didn't photograph it, as they're rather boring things to photograph), and that was really yummy, too. And I made stuffed zuchini! Packed the bottom with tofu, added a bit of cheese, and put portobello mushroom on top, and spritzed with teriyaki sauce - bake til the zuchini is JUST tender - OH so good! (It was for a contest on PI, so ignore the card saying 'Zephyr', it's my username).
One of the big things that's happened lately is that mama has started dating. When I first heard, it hit me very hard - I guess for me, time always seems to move slower than it does, so it really felt like Papa had just died the other day, so that all though my HEAD knew that it was really [four months at the time] ago, it FELT like it had just happened a few days ago. And I felt furiously, uncontrollably angry. I tried to not say anything because I knew I was just waiting to explode, but I did get into a fight with David, who was mad at me for not being all "YAY MAMA'S DATING FOUR MONTHS AFTER PAPA DIED". And in my own defence, it came right out of left field! A month after the funeral mama said she wasn't going to date any time soon, but 3 months from her saying that seems pretty darn soon to me! And aparently, papa had given his blessing to her to start dating as soon as she was ready, and talked to all the boys about it....but neither mama or the boys told me about papa saying that...and mama hadn't given me any signs that she was feeling ready to move on.....just one day, out of the blue, asks me to help her pick out clothes for her DATE. *sigh*
I'm not angry anymore, but neither do I feel ready to face any strange man she might bring to the house, filling papa's place. For a while I even wanted to switch to calling mama 'Anne' so in my head at least Mama would belong to Papa a little while longer. Yea, it's just semantics, but sometimes it's words that win the war, eh? I'm also quite a bit uncomfortable and a little afraid of David, and more afraid to talk to him about it, since he already feels I'm a pathetic coward. :(
At least we might be getting a car soon! We've been car-less since February, and it's been quite a trial at times without one. But mama's helping fund a car for us - she said she got a decent car for both David and Jon, and felt she ought to do the same for us as well, so we'd drive something more reliable than a $200 car! Now we're trying to find the right KIND of car - something small and compact that I feel I can manoevre in, like another Escort or something similar, and with Automatic transmission - the inlaws ALL favour standards, but I just don't have the confidence and quickness to manage that. And I really ought to be able to drive!
Also, somewhat recently, Chris and I spent a weekend with Nicole and Jane! That was FABULOUSLY fun, though there were always more people than I expected o_O First night people came over for Nicole's potato soup and stuff, and that was a lot of fun - and - I think that was the night we all drank shots? I even tried one, and it wasn't bad, though I can't remember what it was called. We took our wii, and during the day read or played games with Jane and Anne (Nicole's housemate), and then the next night was a fondue party! That was also fun - I tihnk we had 4-6 different fondue pots on, all yummy, and we dribbled stuff everywhere, of course, and ate til we were stuffed, watched Rent, and some folks got a little tipsy and sang along with rent, often confused about which lyrics came next XD
And we went to Canada's Wonderland! It was a lot of fun, it was threatening rain and thunder just enough to lessen the crowds without ruining the warm weather. We spent tons of time at the water park area, having a blast (but oh those stairs were exhausting!). We went on a couple roller coasters too, but I was horrified to learn that quite a few rides at Wonderland were 'not made to accomodate larger persons'. Being a fat person sucks.
Speaking of that, I *am* trying to lose weight, but I suspect some of it needs medical assistance (not going to get into it all here) and as for the rest, I'm trying to avoid snacks, and using bento to cut back on portion size, and fill them with healthy stuff. I'm trying to follow a pre-diabetic/diabetic diet, too, so low carb, low salt, low sugar foods for me - good thing I like veggies!!
Exercise is the hardest to get, as I go weeks without leaving the house sometimes. I have one dance DVD, DDR, the Wii games....that's about it. Oh, and scrubbing walls/floors/ceilings is a GREAT upper body workout O_O Jon came over yesterday afternoon and declared it 'cleaning day'. We washed dishes and washed and folded clothes - and the bathroom has NEVER been so clean.
Some things, no matter how much you scrub, you can't improve on though - it's an old, old house. Crumbling walls, wood too deeply pitted to get all the dirt out of, etc. Still, it's a great improvement, AND I feel like I accomplished something worthwhile. Not that the commissions aren't, but most people don't SEE that and assume I'm doing nothing.
This past week, though, I actually got out a few times o_O I hung out with friends at Cody's house Sunday evening, and then Tuesday was an attempted LAN party (except my computer refused to acknowledge the network - WOE! T_T) so I and the only other girl there went and played Smash Brothers Brawl, until the boys came and we played in rounds :) And then Friday a bunch of us went bowling! I played 2 games and never broke 100, and beat Chris both times XD It was fun, though - the second game was crazy-bowled, which means you found some crazy inventive way to bowl each time! It was fun, ridiculous, and we both hurt our wrists by the end XD So nice to get out and see people, though!!
Chris and I have gotten into a new MMORPG, a free one, called Dream of Mirror Online, or DOMO for short. It's a free game, one of several Aeria Games, and was recently ranked as "One of the top 5 'Better than World of WarCraft' Games" - and the ONLY one that was free! It's not as good as, say, Ragnarok, as it's not nearly as extensive or diverse, and I really really miss RO sometimes (I might have to find a new server to play on), but some things I really like - it's EASY to run in the background, and alerts pop up if your attention is needed - if someone IMs you in game, or something attacks you, etc - there's a pretty unique crafting system, and unlike needing to have multiple characters to play different classes, you can learn them ALL - from one character! And you can have up to two-three job classes stacked, primary and secondary. It really is pretty fun. It has a dancer/musician class too, though it's not as powerful as RO's Gypsy!
And that's about all the news I can think of. I know the Olympics are ongoing, but our TV doesn't pick up the channel and it's all live time anyway, so I'm saying 'who cares' and I'll watch it after it's all over, when whatever station it is that bought the 'rights' to it gets their heads out of their behinds. --_--
I may not post much, but I DO read my friends journals - more often if they're not friends-locked, since I still am trying to boycott LJ and hate having to log in there and boost their stats just to see people's news. And comment. Bleh. :(State of the Forest:  drained |
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May. 27th, 2008 @ 02:51 am
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Ever feel like you need to be dying to have friends?
Or just to be noticed by anyone at all? |
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May. 21st, 2008 @ 09:19 pm
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I am really grumpy today. Photobucket's got some new changes that, for some reason, really mess up my accounts, no matter whether we use IE or Mozilla or Seamonkey, in whatever resolution, XP or vista, 3 different computers. And photobucket's support has no idea why, since it LOOKS normal to THEM. Arg!
Plus, PI is down, and Daz Studio isn't working right, and half my computer settings still need to be fixed, and over all I'm just ARG, CUT ME SOME SLACK HERE.
I want to get work done, and not have to constantly FIX things! |
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May. 19th, 2008 @ 02:07 am
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I had to update, if only because I found this new icon too utterly adorable to resist XD
What's been going on? Well, not too much, I guess. I had a really hard time getting myself in gear after papa died; I still miss him a lot. I felt really crazy at first, because it seemed to affect all I did and said and thought, more so than mama or the boyos, but a friend helped put it in perspective a bit: that the others have more friends, and jobs, and a lot of interaction with other folks to keep them busy and help assuage the grief. But I don't really have friends here - no one calls, no one visits, I don't see anyone other than Chris and I say hi in passing to a couple people at church, but no one even misses me really if I'm not there. Before papa died, I saw him at least once a week; he was a large part of my social interaction. Without him there, that's a much bigger part of my life gone than the others. So at least I don't feel so stupid or weird for missing him so much.
I've been dealing, though, by taking up a new hobby - bento! I've been making bento for about two months now, for Chris and myself. It was a way to cheer Chris up at work, and have a little more variety to the same 'ol, same 'ol - as well as being a method of portion control for me. Japanese bento boxes for women are usually around 500-600 mL, which really isn't that big - in fact, it's TINY compared to American lunch boxes. But when packed right, it should correlate to the right number of calories a person should have. And sticking to eating ONLY what fits in my bento box is a good way to diet.
There are other things about it too, like how including a broad range of flavors - salty, sweet, sour, spicy - will help you feel satisfied and less prone to craving something later. And arranging it to be visually enjoyable helps too! :)
And actually, you can see all my bento I've made here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/whisperofsong/
What else? Not much, besides my freelance art. I've gotten a lot of commissions to do, so I'm really busy! Hopefully the computer can hold on, I think my main harddrive is failing :( |
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Getting stood up twice in one week does wonders for one's self esteem.
Mar. 22nd, 2008 @ 12:13 am
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I realise I haven't written much here, because so much has been going on, and it's been difficult to really write about. So here's a bit of a summary.
( Rest in Peace, Papa: 1953 - 2008 )
So now it's just a matter of moving on and living life in a way that his testimony doesn't end with his death. But we could all use your prayers - Mama and David, Chris and I, Jon, all Papa's siblings and extended family. Pray for peace and comfort, and joy that Papa really and truly is in a better place now, and that we WILL see him again some day.
Mar. 12th, 2008 @ 02:22 pm
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I'm sorry for not posting lately. I don't want to blurb and things like that, and I don't want to tell 'everyone', and I don't want people to know whom the folks would tell first. Though I don't think that last is much of a problem when no-one THEY know reads my blog. I could probably count all of ya'll on my fingers XD
But things have been pretty rough lately. After the bliss of the cruise, we came back to cold, snowy NY to be plunged into a cold reality. Papa's doing much worse, and when we go over to visit, instead of watching TV and movies together, we talk about funeral and hospice plans, estate planning and Last Wills and visitations. We all want to cry, seeing papa like this, ready to quit and go home, and it's hard seeing him in so much pain. Mama is exhausted from taking care of him when she's not at work, and even though I go over often to help clean, cook, wash dishes, etc, it seems the mess doubles every time. And now mama wants it kept REALLY clean for people visiting.
Cricket is flying from California Wednesday with her daughter to see papa, and I know that having a kid around will cheer up mama and papa both, but I also hope Cricket's willing to help out. I will be there Thursday again, and maybe Friday, probably Saturday and Sunday. It exhausts Chris, who normally doesn't go anywhere after work, and likes to stay home on weekends - but we want to be there and help as much as we can.
Over all, it's really hard on all of us. Watching papa deteriorate, when we're all tired and raw ourselves, and trying hard to smile for him and hold everything in to not fight with each other. We could all use your prayer now.
In other news - we still need to take down our tree, get the car fixed, get the water fixed, winterise the house, etc. When I remember how clean the house was for Christmas, and how messy it is now, I want to weep. But instead, I'm cleaning mama's house T_TBut I should really try to clean when I'm home, because I think Chris will feel less overwhelmed to come home to a clean house (on the days we come home) and nice cooked meals. We even have MEAT now, thanks to the tax return, so I just have to try harder to get everything done.
Feb. 19th, 2008 @ 12:24 pm
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 You are 10:02 a.m. You are breakfasty, like a pile of pancakes on a Sunday morning that have just the right amount of syrup, so every bite is sweet perfection and not a soppy mess. You are a glass of orange juice that's cool, refreshing, and not overly pulpy. You are the time of day that's just right for turning the pages of a newspaper, flipping through channels, or clicking around online to get a sense of how the world changed during the night. You don't want to stumble sleepily through life, so you make a real effort to wake your brain up and get it thinking. You feel inspired to accomplish things (whether it's checking something off your to-do list or changing the world), but there's plenty of time for making things happen later in the day. First, pancakes.
Sounds about right XD
Uh, I actually have some cruise phots up. Not many, but some. I'll post the link when I have them all.
Feb. 8th, 2008 @ 03:10 am
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....we're going on a cruise to 'warm up' or something. Yea, it hit a record-breaking 70 degrees here yesterday. WEIRD....everyone ran around in t-shirts. It felt like it should be Easter! It's hard to believe that come Friday, i'll be taking a plane down to Florida. From there to commence a week-long tropical vacation! o_O Tell me, how did this happen? I'm a woodsie, not a beach bum! o_O
I'm actually quite nervous about it, actually. Especially the plane part. Neither Chris nor I like planes, and I can't help thinking about what would happen if the plane crashed and things like that. I have far too vivid and fatal an imagination. Anyway, in part because of worrying about the trip, and worrying about my health, and worrying about work, I haven't been sleeping well lately. However, this has been getting me to pray more often - which is all to the good. I've been having some long conversations with God at 3 and 4 am lying awake, tossing and turning. God's told me some pretty cool things. In particular, dying's been big on the worrying list, with papa's health and the planes and all. And at one point, I was praying for everyone, one person at a time, and sort of following the formula of "Place your hand on X person, keep them safe and close to you, place your hand on Y person..." And I could almost hear God saying to me, "If this person and that person and every person are in my hands, then stop worrying! No matter what happens, you're never further away than this." And I could see two hands coming to cup together, as if holding something in them. Holding US. That was really a comfort to me. Not only then is everyone I care about close, but God is close. So close He cares about allaying my worries for everyone else! So now I'm working on trusting God. I really like the serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
New Years was alright, nothing spectacular. This has really been a low key holiday season. We went to a dinner for couples at church, and it was decorated really snazzy. There were about 26 people there, and food enough for 3 times that! The food was a little over-seasoned to me, but the cucumber dip was delicious, and I had fun talking to people I hadn't really before.
And then I came home, and just like Christmas, I worked into the new year T_T I've been very busy trying to earn money, there's always something going wrong - my desktop's one hard drive is failing, for instance, and I'm trying to make the money to buy a replacement so the money doesn't have to come from the budget. I'm also trying to earn enough to replace the motherboard in the laptop. Had hoped to before the trip, but since the cousins are too busy anyway, it's not going to happen, and I can earn the money slower anyway. XD
Working on a new compilation of "Where Have I Heard That Before?" with a lot of Disney movies and older movies to cover a broader array of interests. Hopefully, will complete it before the trip, though I have a LOT on my plate I want to finish before I leave. Always plenty to do! But if I DO, then it's something the whole family can play and participate in during our layover, and later, at the hotel the night before we board the boat.
Also, I'm trying very hard to change my lifestyle to be healthier. I really, really, REALLY don't want to end up diabetic. I don't want to have to give myself shots. I don't want to end up with kidney failure. And I'm really quite high-risk for diabetes with several of the warning signs already. So I'm testing my blood sugar now, at Mama and papa's every week. And I'm trying to go on a diabetic diet - it's good health and prevention, actually, and will help me lose weight, too. And I'm exercising and using fitday.com - hopefully things will work out better.
And that's about all the news here. Ruthanne, if you read this, I got your package, and your scarves are WAY better than anything *I* ever make, and it's a gorgeous color, and I can use the music to exercise to! *wiggles* Sharon, if you need to borrow Mabel in that big ol' house, feel free....it's too bad his tour and my trip coincided, or I'd come visit you and we could watch those chick flicks together! And I still owe Carly and Grandma thankyou cards for their gifts, too. :)
OH. Carly said there was a way to get the RSS feed for my journal, since none of you use IJ, and LJ is just not a good place to be anymore (seriously, guys. NOT A GOOD PLACE. AT ALL!!!). Only, I don't remember how; T_T
Jan. 9th, 2008 @ 12:59 pm
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Well, it's been a unique holiday season, in that it hasn't felt like a holiday season AT ALL. Chris and I both keep working - I had a number of last minute Christmas commissions, and there is always stuff to be done. In addition, Chris and I have been working hard to organise and clean. We cleaned the 'library' to have more space, organised the boxes, and moved all the cat's stuff in there, so we could have room to put up the tree. Then Aunt Judi asked if we wanted her couch - a lovely, plushy, deep green couch. I very much wanted it, but I didn't want to ditch mom's ugly yellow couch either - it's a day bed and would be a place for people to sleep if they visited. SO. We reorganised the "dining room" - moved around all the boxes in there to be neat and stacked, so there was room for what was in the 'library', then we moved the boxes from the library into the dining room. Then we ripped up the dirty, nasty green carpet that was in the library (they kept a dog in that room) and cleaned it out, and moved in the sewing desk and the yellow couch, along with the cat's stuff. And the big green couch went in the living room, which is now predominantly green! :)
Christmas eve we had dinner at Aunt Dottie's, and she gave us a huge cat condo since her cat died. We set that up in the 'library' as well, and it's working out well, the cat hangs out in there even when we leave it open! On Christmas eve I worked on commissions due for Christmas until 4 am on Christmas day, then got up - we made shepherd's pie to take to dinner at mama and papa's - got almost all the way there and realised we'd left it at home! Woe. T_T Dinner and exchanging of ornaments - that's all we gave/got for Christmas - and then we went to Aunt Judi and Uncle Mike's for 'dessert'.
I have to confess, I found it more than a little frustrating - did last year, and did again this year. We sat and watched Aunt Judi, Uncle Mike, Tiffany and Christopher, Heather and Jay, Zander (Xander?) and Tristan open presents. FOR ALMOST TWO HOURS. I mean, it was 6 pm, surely they'd had time all day to open them, they'd all been there all day - they were just starting when we arrived, like they were waiting for the peanut gallery! It's Jesus' birthday party, not theirs, and I really am not interested in watching other people opening presents - nice expensive presents in some cases ($100 SHIRTS, for crying out loud!) - for hours on end and you're supposed to be interested and attentive throughout.
It was bad enough last year, when we were able to exchange some gifts with mama and papa and the boys. This year it was thrice as annoying, when there were no gifts to exchange or waiting for us. I was really frustrated at how rude it felt to me, and they say it's this way every year. Next year I'm going to show up at 8, when hopefully the worst of the present-opening is over. :(
I did get Chris a Christmas present with my commission money! He has a winter coat :)
And day after Christmas, Jon came over and helped me wash the mountain of dishes, and between Chris and I later, we got the kitchen sparkly clean and even organised the cupboards (full of 1968 newspapers and scrap wood and broken house fixtures and old linoleum and junk)so we can actually keep pots and pans, y'know, IN THE KITCHEN. What a novel idea! T_T Just in time, 'cause mom and dad came out Saturday!
They brought all my old papers from the closet back home (gee thanks, I have PLENTY of room to store that stuff *eyeroll*) and one of the sewing machines mom got at a garage sale - an old Kenmore - and got running, and she taught me some of the basics, like how to load a bobbin, etc. And we did a ten minute project - a cover for the machine to keep out dust, since the hard cover is missing. They also brought some toys for Mabel (who really deserved coal instead, but oh well) and some gifts for us - flannel pjs for me and a lovely turtleneck/sweater set for Chris in black and grey. And lastly, dad brought out the laptop he broke while he was out of the country, if I can get a new motherboard in it and get it working, it's all mine! :)
The house even passed 'inspection', the worst complaint we got was that not everything was dusted, so overall, I guess the house looked pretty good. Whew, I don't want to do any more housecleaning for a MONTH!
Nathan got home and into the States on the 28th, though it will be 3 more months before he's officially discharged/'retired' I don't think he can be deployed again. He and Amy are happy to be back together, but be careful calling them to congratulate them, Amy near snapped my head off for asking confirmation that he was home and well (and I only knew he was supposed to be because his mother told me in an email!). I told our parents, because they were worrying if he'd gotten home ok (I told them it was normal for her to not call, but they'll always worry. Gee, I wonder where I got my worry streak from?). So, I'm glad he's home and safe and pretty much done with the bloody military now.
Cruise is coming up on the 11th! I'm nervous and yet looking forward to a week of not working. I've been working like a banshee and can't remember the last time I did art or writing for the joy and fun of art and writing, but the commissions definitely help. Still, I'm feeling more than a little burnt out now. I'm trying to get everything CAUGHT UP by the trip, so I can start with a fresh slate when we come back. But, I'm not looking forward to packing. I have far more winter clothes than summer clothes, and nothing dressy at all! T_T
As usual, that's the news from Lake Woebegone. Happy New Year! I'm getting back to work XD
Dec. 31st, 2007 @ 06:11 pm
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Well, sort of.
I'm kind of overwhelmed. We've been doing a lot of cleaning and heavy work lately - our living room, dining room and library have all been cleaned and organised - our library is now a guest room. I've been working on a lot of commissions, I've finally gotten over the cough (I think), I've strained my neck, I'm exhausted, and I still have the kitchen and bathroom to clean, baking, more commissions, I haven't finished gifts for ANYONE, I've only just begun decorating, and i am burnt out.
There's the cruise in early/mid-January, and I'm dreading it. Not just the plane and boat part, but the packing. The stressing over being fat, not having much clotihng at all, nor money to buy clothes. Wondering if I can make a trip to the city mission or Salvation Army to find some cheap, passable clothes. Saving for a winter coat for Chris, because he'll never buy clothes for himself. Wondering where we can have the cat taken care of, without boarding fees that cost more than we can afford.
I want a vacation for me. And I desperately, desperately, desperately want some time with some of the girls. Mel, Sharon, Carly, Nicole, Ruthanne, any of you able to visit here? Probably not, I know everyone has their own plans already, but a girl can dream, I guess. :(
Dec. 22nd, 2007 @ 11:29 pm
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I'm a bit excited. See, Zenny - the friend in Slovenia who I met on Neopets, who introduced me to Pony Island - messaged me today saying her account had expired, and if I could help her.
Of course I could, and would. See, I've gotten all my commissions through Pony Island, and yet you need a paid account to access the art forums. I couldn't afford to pay for an account at the time Zenny told me about it. So she gave me a paid account of hers! For free, just so I could sell my art and make money! o_O
Since then I've made a couple hundred dollers selling my art and it's made me ecstatic to make money doing something that I love to do - fantasy art! So I dug around and came up with a psd art template for her to auction to pay for her account renewal. Anything over the cost of the renewal would go to me, for the artwork.
And that auction was BINned. At x4 the renewal cost o_O Even wilder? Someone else commissioned me too, for coloring templates for an adoptable. If it all goes through, it could be a net income of $200 for all the templates. Just - WOW. I'm going to be super, super, SUPER busy these next weeks ERNING that, but....WOW. I'm so psyched.
I'm also a bit light headed....OH. Ha ha ha, I forgot to eat today >_
Dec. 12th, 2007 @ 04:37 pm
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Testing posting to IJ from Semagic....testing testing? I need a newer version of Semagic, I think, but I hate change. Unfortunately, LJ has forced change upon us, though it seems not everyone realises it.
Dec. 10th, 2007 @ 02:36 pm
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Wheeeee! I had a wonderful time with Risa on Wednesday! We made lunch and chattered - she helped me remember our fun college times - we made cookies (those mint brownie layer bars I've never seen anywhere else, we made those....with a few additions....we marbled the mint with chocolate....absolutely decadent, even if I think i didn't make it *quite* right) - listened to muppets music. I even persuaded Risa (much against her will) to go outside with me. It was snowing; I made a snow angel, and we threw snow and loosely packed snowballs, and I caught snowflakes on my tongue. It was WONDERFUL. And it was wonderful seeing Risa after so long.
Thursday I went to mama and papa's again, finally well enough; David tried to teach me some guitar, I cleaned, watched TV a little with papa, and then Chris came and we went to our last class, where we had a catered dinner, one last lesson, and certificates of completion. I've actually really enjoyed the class, and it's a lifetime membership. Chris and I want to go through it again, when it starts again in the spring! Crazy, huh? Especially since I didn't want to be part of the class to begin with! XD
Dad said if I got the money to buy the parts, or got the parts themselves, that he'd let me have the laptop he broke. I'd have to put an OS on it, though. OS's are so annoyingly expensive, but....it's a nice laptop, if I can get it, even at 3 years old. Especially nicer than my old Compaq Armada V300 or the hubby's laptop! Plus, I'm sure Chris would LOVE to have his laptop back - I'm forever stealing his. Heh. Mine just really doesn't work anymore.
And. I'm sleepy. Hopefully we'll get our tree put up and the house cleaned up a bit this weekend - then again, that's what I said last weekend.
Oh, I recommend watching the anime movie Paprika. It's a brilliant movie with an innovative and complex plot that does what so many movies fail at - complex multifaceted characters that don't all fit the stereotype, with the added bonus of tying up all its loose ends by the conclusion. Not as on the edge as some of their other productions, Paprika is a journey between dreams and delusions - and it left me guessing to the end. Sometimes it feels like I've seen every plot there is - but this movie feels fresh. Watch it; I think it's worth it, for far more than the fact that I love studying dreams. :)
Dec. 8th, 2007 @ 01:10 am
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